I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW....

35 years I've asked myself the same question.

35 years the answer has always been....No? Not me? The question mark always there.

10 years ago...I pushed her away, because the feelings were too much. Unfamiliar...real...fear...too much.

My life was happy....perfect friends, perfect family, good job, school dragging right along.

I laugh and smile through the good times of my life. Cry, stand up and dust myself off through the hard times, I'm content. If you were to ask what would I change...I would have answered nothing.

But there's a void, there's something missing that no one man can fulfill. The flirting, the loving, the tears of a broken heart, the sex, the butterflies, the over-thinking, the chase, the games....just when it feels right, there's something deep down that says it's so wrong. The only thing that I know is right, is the attention. The attention that makes me feel pretty, the attention that keeps me yearning for more....yearning for a love that I know....I dream...I pray is out there. Out of the million men in this world...just one has to be destined for me....right?

As I pushed her away 10 years ago...when the answer was right at the top, ready to break the ice....I let her go....and I drowned those feelings and I let them sink right back to the bottom of the very pit of my soul.

10 years later, that one...the one I knew would never make me feel so uncomfortable, but yet so damn good by one word or one smile... would come back with dynamite mixed with pixie dust (nothing else would make sense...had to be pixie dust) to break the thick layer of ice that covered my soul. As it cracked and all the hidden emotions and feelings flooded the surface the void that had laid dormant for so long began to fill. Fill with love...the love that I always knew was out there...you know...the one I dreamt and prayed about.

The question mark is gone....because now there's no questions...

35 years the questions....Are you gay?

Yes...Yes you are.